Monday, February 25, 2013

Not Getting Involved: Volume 3

Thanks for coming to www.dont-be-a-hero.com's blog once again. We appreciate those of you who understand the importance of not getting involved...ever.

Here at the www.dont-be-a-hero.com blog we'd like to give folks some ideas on how to avoid getting involved in one of the most dreaded subjects. That subject is.... Politics

It's important first to practice prevention. As Ben Franklin once said "A stitch, in time saves nine." In the case of politics, avoiding addressing someone's remarks can save you from having to avoid a very long conversation or in some cases a fist fight. So let's learn how to keep from getting involved.

Prevention Plan:

1. If you know someone who is politically active or vocal and they invite you anywhere practice excuses to avoid going anywhere with them.
          Examples:
A) Sorry, I can't make it because my car is in the shop.
B) Sorry, I can't ride with you either because my wife keeps accusing me of cheating on her with people that give me a ride
C) No my wife can't come because she has Ebola and is highly contagious.

2. If you happen to be somewhere and someone invites you to go to any kind of political rally or protest practice making excuses to avoid going there in the first place.
           Examples:
A) Sorry, I need to to watch UFC, Boxing, Football, Soccer, some guys drive in circles really fast for hours at NASCAR, Basketball, Baseball or anything else that serves as a distraction from pressing issues that affect all of our lives and future prosperity.

Alternatively if you find yourself going back in time to ancient Rome you can try this variation:

B) Sorry, I can't do anything about the Senate raping everyone so I must go to the Colosseum to watch a couple of sweaty guys kill each other for no reason whatsoever.

(In Latin: Tati senatus, nihil non possum rapuit quisque vigilare, ut vadam ad Colosseum aestuosi duobus guys omnino nulla ratione se interfecit..)

 3. If you happen to be at an event and someone attempts to bring up politics you can always try to ruin the conversation so that they lose interest in speaking about it to you.
For example:

B)
Question: What do you think of water-boarding?

Response: Sounds fun. I don't go to the beach very often though.

A) 
Question: What do you think of the U.S. government buying billions of bullets, trying to pass laws that infringe on the second amendment, declaring patriots, veterans, and protesters to be low level terrorists, and declaring that they can basically kill anyone they want witha drone strike without trial or evidence?

Response: I think they're just mad that "Zero Dark Thirty" didn't win an Oscar for "Best Picture" this year.


Until next time, keep not getting involved. and be sure to bookmark us because www.dont-be-a-hero.com is down and we're not getting involved.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Not Getting Involved, Volume 2

www.Dont-be-a-hero.com is still offline but we're still not going to bother getting involved. Our blog will do just fine.

Hopefully our last post helped some of you avoid getting involved. Perhaps you were with family for the holidays and your relatives were about to start a fight. Hopefully you remembered your training from our last post.

We at the non-existent www.dont-be-a-hero.com website commend those of you who have incorporated our tips into every day living.

Today we're going to give you some practical exercises that you can do at home and "on the go" that will enable you to better avoid getting involved.

Exercise #1:

Repeat these at least once a day:

"Leave me out of it. You guys are going to have to settle this on your own."
"Sorry, sir that's above my pay grade." 
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave."
"Get away from me, man!"
"I think I hear my mother calling."
"I'm sorry, this call isn't important but I'm going to take this call anyway. I'll get back to you." (It helps if you pretend to take a call you could ignore.)

Exercise #2:

If you drive by a homeless person or non-profit charity worker begging for money be sure your windows are rolled up.

Additionally, if you have power locks in your vehicle be sure to hit the "LOCK" button as they approach the window. Be sure to wait until they are close enough to hear and see the lock engage. Do not make eye contact.

Exercise #3:

Tell a friend that a mutual acquaintance has been talking about them behind their back. Then when they ask you to help settle the dispute, practice your excuses to not get involved.
This will help you perfect you skill at avoiding getting involved. If things get too intense, remember your training.

That is all for today.


Monday, November 5, 2012

Not Getting Involved, Volume 1

The www.Dont-Be-A-Hero.com website was hacked by "Unanimous" last night so we are now going to post everything on this blog. We decided to not get involved in bringing www.dont-be-a-hero.com back online so it it may never be back. Not having a website never stopped us from not getting involved before and it surely won't now!
So for our first post...
There are a few specific keys to not getting involved that I'd like to point out today.

1. Physical avoidance

Whenever an old woman falls down, or someone is getting stabbed by a lover we often listen to our instincts and get involved. If you've gotten involved by say, rushing into a burning building to save a child then you know why this is a bad idea but you're probably not alive to tell us.

So, the first thing to do is avoid getting involved physically. Walk away from the burning building. If someone is reaching out for help, but there's no room to go away from them, you must try to keep holding your hands and arms as far back as possible.

2. Making excuses

Another key to avoiding getting involved is to actually make something up. If someone asks you for spare change, you must make up an excuse on the fly, such as "I don't carry cash" or "I just spent my last dime on gas".

If your friends tell you to eat non-GMO, you say "I can't afford it".

Until next time, stay out of it!